How to Write an Obituary or Condolence Letter — Guide With Examples

Introduction

We understand that expressing condolences or drafting an obituary can be particularly difficult tasks during a time of grief. Finding the right words when someone has lost a loved one generates an understandable sense of uncertainty: you wish to convey your support sincerely, yet you fear the words may not be equal to the situation. If you find yourself in that position, please know that what grieving families value most is authenticity, not literary perfection.

In Spain, the esquela (obituary notice) and the condolence letter are the two most traditional forms of communicating a death and expressing sympathy, respectively. The esquela is the formal announcement that informs of the death and the details of the funeral, while the condolence letter (or sympathy letter) is a personal message addressed to the family of the deceased. Both have their own structures and conventions that are worth knowing to draft them correctly.

In this article, we offer you a practical guide with the structure, the appropriate tone and real examples of both obituary notices and condolence letters. We also address the digital alternatives that have emerged in recent years, from the publication of obituaries on online platforms to sympathy messages via WhatsApp, with guidance on when each format is most appropriate. Many families find that creating a remembrance page can be a meaningful complement to these traditional gestures.

How to draft a funeral obituary (esquela)

An esquela is a formal announcement that communicates the death of a person and provides information about the planned funeral services. In Spain, it is customarily published in the print press (national or regional newspapers) and, increasingly, on digital platforms. Although the funeral company usually handles the drafting, understanding its structure will allow you to make more informed decisions.

Structure of an obituary notice

A funeral obituary in Spain follows a conventional structure that includes the following elements, generally in this order:

1. Religious symbol or emblem (optional): A Christian cross, the Star of David or a civil symbol, depending on the beliefs of the deceased and the family.
2. Full name of the deceased: First name and surnames, usually preceded by "Don" or "Dona".
3. Details of the death: Place and date of death, and sometimes the age.
4. Announcement formula: "Ha fallecido" (has passed away) or "Descanso en la paz del Senor" (rested in the peace of the Lord, religious) / "Ha fallecido" (civil).
5. Family members: List of the closest relatives communicating the death (spouse, children, siblings, grandchildren...).
6. Funeral details: Place, date and time of the wake, ceremony and burial or cremation.
7. Acknowledgements or requests: "La familia agradece las muestras de condolencia" (The family is grateful for expressions of sympathy) or "Se ruega una oracion por su alma" (A prayer for the soul is requested).
8. Mortuary address (falling out of use in many areas): Address of the funeral parlour (tanatorio).

Example of a formal obituary (religious)

A cross symbol

Da Maria Carmen Lopez Garcia

Passed away in Barcelona on 15 March 2026, at the age of 82, having received the Holy Sacraments and the Apostolic Blessing.

R.I.P.

Her husband, D. Antonio Fernandez Ruiz; her children, Ana, Carlos and Marta; her grandchildren; siblings and further family,

Request a prayer for her soul.

The funeral will be held on 16 March at 11:00 in the chapel of the Tanatorio de Sancho de Avila (c/ Sancho de Avila, 2, Barcelona). Cremation at the Crematorio de Collserola to follow.

The family is grateful for expressions of sympathy.

Example of a formal obituary (civil)

D. Javier Martinez Sanchez

Passed away in Madrid on 15 March 2026, at the age of 74.

His wife, Laura; his children, Pablo and Elena; his grandchildren and further family,

Communicate his passing and invite you to the farewell ceremony

which will take place on 16 March at 12:00 in Room 3 of the Tanatorio de la M-30 (c/ Macho Ortega, 4, Madrid).

No flowers.

Tips for drafting

• Brevity and clarity: The obituary is an informative announcement. The funeral information (venue, date, time) is the most important element.
• Respect the family's wishes: If the family prefers an intimate ceremony, you may state "Funeral en la intimidad" (Private funeral) or "Solo familia" (Family only).
• "No flowers": This instruction, common in many obituaries, means the family prefers not to receive wreaths or bouquets. Some families suggest donations to a charitable organisation instead.
• Tone in keeping with beliefs: Religious formulae (R.I.P., "a prayer for the soul is requested") are appropriate only if they reflect the beliefs of the deceased and the family. For civil ceremonies, use neutral wording.
• Consult with the funeral company: Most funeral companies include the drafting and management of the obituary as part of their services. They can advise you on format, length and publication.

How to write a condolence letter or sympathy message

A condolence letter is a personal message expressing sorrow at the death of a person and offering support to the family. Unlike the obituary, a sympathy letter is an intimate and personal gesture. Its value lies in sincerity, not in length or stylistic perfection. Grieving families are immensely grateful when someone takes the time to write a few heartfelt words.

Recommended structure

An effective condolence letter typically contains these elements:

1. Expression of sorrow: Communicate your grief at the loss directly and sincerely.
2. Personal memory: Share an anecdote, a quality or a moment you experienced with the deceased. This is the most valuable element of the letter: it shows that you remember the person as an individual.
3. Words of comfort: Acknowledge the family's pain without minimising it or attempting to eliminate it. Avoid phrases such as "I know how you feel" and opt for "I can only imagine how difficult this is".
4. Specific offer of help: Instead of a generic "if you need anything, let me know", offer something concrete: "I would like to bring you dinner on Friday" or "I can collect the children from school this week".
5. Warm closing: End with an embrace, a thought or an expression of affection.

Example of a formal condolence letter

Dear Ana,

I received with deep sadness the news of the passing of your mother, Dona Maria Carmen. Please allow me to express my heartfelt condolences to you and to all your family.

I fondly remember the afternoons we spent at her home, when Dona Maria Carmen always greeted us with a smile and the generosity that so characterised her. Her kindness and her sense of humour left a mark on all of us who had the good fortune to know her.

I understand that these days are enormously difficult for you and your family. I want you to know that you can count on my support. Should you need any assistance or simply company, please do not hesitate to call me.

Please receive my warmest embrace.

With all my affection, [Your name]

Example of a personal condolence letter (close friend)

Dear Carlos,

I have no words to express what I feel about the loss of your father. Antonio was an extraordinary person: always ready to lend a hand, always with a kind word. I remember when he helped us with the move and stayed until the early hours, without allowing us to thank him.

I know that no words can ease what you are going through, but I want you to know that I am here. On Thursday I shall come round and bring dinner so that you do not have to worry about that.

A very warm embrace, Carlos. Your father would be incredibly proud of the person you are.

[Your name]

Brief condolence messages (WhatsApp, SMS)

Digital messages are increasingly common, especially among friends, work colleagues and acquaintances. Although a handwritten letter remains the most respectful option for close relationships, a sincere message via WhatsApp or SMS is perfectly appropriate in many contexts.

Appropriate examples:

• "I have just heard about the passing of your mother. I am so very sorry. I am at your disposal for anything you need. A very warm embrace."
• "My deepest condolences for the loss of your father. I have very fond memories of him. If I can help with anything in these days, please do not hesitate to tell me."
• "I am truly sorry for your loss. I am here for whatever you need. A warm embrace."
• "My thoughts are with you. Take whatever time you need. I shall be here whenever you wish to talk."

Avoid in digital messages:

• Emojis that may be inappropriate in a context of grief.
• Copied or generic messages that feel impersonal.
• Intrusive questions about the circumstances of the death.
• Forwarding chain messages or mass condolence messages.

When to use each format

Publication in newspapers and digital platforms

The publication of obituaries in the print press remains a common practice in Spain, although its cost can be considerable. At the same time, digital platforms have emerged offering more affordable or no-cost alternatives. Knowing the available options allows you to choose the most suitable one based on the desired reach and budget.

Cost of newspaper publication

Prices depend on the size of the obituary (modules contracted), whether it includes a photograph, the day of publication (weekends are usually more expensive) and the section of the newspaper. The funeral company usually manages the publication as part of its services.

Digital platforms

In recent years, several digital alternatives for the publication of obituaries and death notices have become established:

• Digital sections of newspapers: Most Spanish dailies offer publication of obituaries in their digital edition, generally at a lower price than the print edition.
• Obituary portals: Specialised platforms exist where obituaries and death notices can be published at low cost or no cost, with the possibility of including photographs, a condolence book and links to further information.
• Digital memorials: Platforms such as Kinmory allow you to create a complete remembrance page which, in addition to fulfilling the informational function of an obituary, offers a permanent space for photos, videos and family memories. A digital memorial transcends the one-off obituary and becomes a lasting tribute.

Did you know? A digital memorial can complement the traditional obituary. While the obituary announces the death and the funeral details, the remembrance page preserves the life story of the deceased permanently. Family members and friends can add their own memories from anywhere in the world. Learn more about digital memorials on Kinmory

Necrologica: when and how to write one

A necrologica (extended obituary) is a longer text than the esquela. While the esquela communicates the death and the funeral details, the necrologica reviews the life, achievements and personality of the deceased. It is customarily published for persons of public relevance (professional, social, cultural), although any family may choose to draft one.

Typical structure of a necrologica:

1. Full name, age and date of death.
2. Profession or main activity.
3. Brief biographical sketch (education, career, achievements).
4. Personal qualities and contributions to the community.
5. Mention of surviving family members.
6. Funeral details (optional, if published before the services).

What to avoid when expressing condolences

Expressing sympathy with empathy and respect requires attention to language and to the circumstances of the family. There are phrases and attitudes that, although well-intentioned, can be painful or inappropriate for a person in mourning. Knowing what to avoid is as important as knowing what to say.

Phrases to avoid

Attitudes to avoid

• Avoiding the grieving person: Many people, fearing they might say something inappropriate, choose not to approach. Absence hurts more than imperfect words.
• Comparing losses: "When I lost my father..." can divert attention towards your own experience. If you share a similar experience, do so briefly and return the focus to the family.
• Giving unsolicited advice: "You should go to therapy", "you should go back to work soon". Grief has its own rhythm.
• Talking too much: Sometimes, a silent embrace or simply being present is more valuable than any speech.

For further guidance on how to accompany a person in mourning, we recommend our guide on how to cope with grief.

Frequently asked questions

What is the difference between an esquela and a necrologica?

An esquela is a brief, formal announcement that communicates the death of a person and provides information about the funeral (venue, date, time). A necrologica, by contrast, is a longer text that reviews the life, career and qualities of the deceased, as a biographical sketch. Both may be published in the print press or in digital format. The esquela is obligatory in practice (it is the means of communicating the death), while the necrologica is optional and more common for persons of public or professional relevance.

How much does it cost to publish an obituary in a Spanish newspaper?

The price varies considerably depending on the size of the obituary, the newspaper and the day of publication. In national dailies such as El Pais or ABC, a standard obituary can cost between EUR 300 and EUR 2,000. In regional press, prices range between EUR 100 and EUR 500, and in local or county press, from EUR 50 upwards. Most funeral companies manage the publication as part of their services. There are also digital platforms that allow obituaries to be published at low cost or no cost.

What should I include in a condolence letter?

A sincere and effective sympathy letter should include four elements: a direct expression of sorrow at the loss, a personal memory or quality of the deceased that demonstrates you knew them as a person, words of comfort that do not minimise the pain, and a specific offer of help (not a generic "if you need anything"). Brevity and authenticity are far more valued than length or literary perfection. Write from the heart and do not worry excessively about style.

Can I send a condolence message via WhatsApp or social media?

Yes, digital condolence messages are increasingly accepted in Spanish society, especially among friends, work colleagues and acquaintances. However, for close relatives, formal relationships or older persons, a handwritten letter or a telephone call remain the most respectful option and the one that tends to generate the greatest gratitude. In any case, a sincere and personalised WhatsApp message is always better than silence.

Summary

• The esquela is a formal announcement that communicates the death and the funeral details. The necrologica is a longer text that reviews the life of the deceased.
• An obituary should include: the name of the deceased, details of the death, family members, venue and time of the funeral, and optionally a religious or civil symbol.
• The most valued condolence letter is brief, sincere and includes a personal memory of the deceased and a specific offer of help.
• The cost of publishing an obituary in the press ranges from EUR 50 (local press) to EUR 2,000 (national dailies).
• Digital platforms and online memorials offer affordable or no-cost alternatives that complement the traditional obituary.
• WhatsApp messages are acceptable for friends and acquaintances, but for close and formal relationships a handwritten letter or a telephone call remain preferable.
• When expressing condolences, avoid stock phrases that minimise pain ("it was their time", "you have to be strong"). Sincerity and presence are more valuable than perfect words.

Related articles

• How to cope with grief -- Emotional support guide with practical resources for facing the loss of a loved one.
• What to do when a family member passes away -- First steps, urgent procedures and decisions that must be taken after a death.
• What is a digital memorial? -- How a remembrance page works and why more families are using them.
• How to explain death to a child -- Guidance on talking about loss with the youngest members of the family.

Creating a remembrance page can help in the grieving process

Beyond obituaries and condolences, preserving the memory of your loved one is an enduring act of love. Create a digital memorial on Kinmory with photos, videos and memories. Share the link with family and friends so that everyone can add their own tributes.

Create a digital memorial on Kinmory